Ordination Training, 5th Trinity Church

[elf]

[incomplete very rough draft]

These are considered to be one example of an acceptable training course; individual programs and resulting titles may be tailored to the postulant by his/her mentor and/or the council.

What’s expected of a priestess of Eris: An understanding of the contents of Principia & several other (unspecified) Discordian works. Ability to create Discordian rituals appropriate (?) to any situation. Ability to confuse & dismay people at random; ability to convince others –through reference to Discordian scripture or activity– that this is a real religion and not a joke pretending to be a religion. Ability to get others to acknowledge that on some levels, their religions make no more sense than this one. Ability to make these things fun, not just intellectual exercises. Awareness of Discordian principles & how they contrast with other religions’ principles.

Postulant:
Those who wish to be accepted into ordination training must show by word or deed that they have been touched by Eris, and that they intend to keep to Her holy plan throughout their life. Upon being accepted into the program, the postulant will be known as “Minister of the Gospel,” and is expected to spread the Strange News at every reasonable opportunity.
Each Phase is expected to take approximately one year to complete, although much individual variation is permissible.

1st Phase (Knowledge): Study-related only
Understanding of Discordianism. Ability to quote the Principia & see the Fnords. Knowledge of religious terminology & how to use it. Knowledge of Discordian history. Awareness of jokes/laughter/fun as an important spiritual activity.

Reading List (below); essays req’d on each book

• Written exercises assigned by mentor
• History of Discordianism studies, incl. Rule 2.
• Visit at least one Discordian Shine (The Mystery Spot, the Winchester House, Lombard Street, Emperor Norton’s gravesite, etc.)
• Vocabulary studies: priestly phrases, and current pagan buzzwords
• Studies on humor affecting health & lifestyle

Reading List, 1st Year (essential Discordianism; req'd reading):

• Principia Discordia
• Illuminatus Trilogy
• Discordian-relevant sections of Drawing Down the Moon
• Eris-related Greek Myths (candidate req’d to find some)
• Shrodinger’s Cat Trilogy
• Alice in Wonderland
• Hitchhiker's Guide Trilogy

Movies (suggested):

• The Gods Must Be Crazy
• Prisoner Episode: Hammer & Anvil or The Schizoid Man
• A Clockwork Orange
• Baron Munchhausen
• 12 Monkeys
• Being There
• King of Hearts
• They Might Be Giants
• The Meaning of Life
• Fight Club

COMMUNICATION SKILLS
The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense, Suzette Hadin Elgin
Pair off & do exercises therein; be able to state the 8 verbal attack patterns & how to counter them.

HUMOR & HEALTH STUDIES:
[incomplete.]

Upon completion of this stage, the postulant will have earned the title "Disciple of Truth" and be addressed by the term "Brother [yournamehere]"

2nd Phase: Study & Practice
Understanding of other religions, and how Discordianism compares. Awareness of legal principles involved in religious matters. Understanding of ritual structure & symbolisms. Basics of divination. Basics of counseling. Participation in some Discordian outreach activities. Comfortable explaining the principles & background of Discordianism.

• More reading & Essays
• Write & Lead a Discordian Worship Service
• Start writing/collecting a Book of Shatters: rites for the holy days
• Participate in a Discordian Outreach Action ("DOA") like Spam Jake Day
• Visit 2 more Discordian Shrines
• Learn a Discordian divination method
• Studies in religious ritual structure & myths

Reading List, 2nd-4th Year (religious diversity studies; not all req'd)

• 2 books by Camden Benares
• Tao of Pooh
• Tao Speaks (in comic book form)
• Any book by Joseph Campbell
• Stranger in a Strange Land, the uncut version (or whichever you haven’t read)
• The rest of Drawing Down the Moon
• Das Energi by Paul Williams
• Quantum Psychology
• Cosmic Trigger
• Prometheus Rising
• The Ethical Slut
• Pagans and the Law
• Candide
• [Chaos Magic books: Liber Null]
• Crowley:
• (Great Garden Companions--Sally Jean Cunningham)
• (Love Sao, letters from a boy in the city)
• Electric Koolaid Acid Test & Another Roadside Attraction

Movies:

• Goddess Rap 107 (Goddess Trilogy from the Canada film board)
• Wicker Man
• Caligula
• Life of Brian
• Duck Soup

RITUAL STRUCTURE & MYTHOLOGY:
Masks of God: Primitive Theology: Joseph Campbell
Read, & compose an analysis of modern ritual of your choice comparing it to the principles in Primitive Theology
At least two original-source Mythological works of choice from different regions, i.e. The Odyssey, the Iliad, the Kalevala, the Sagas and/or Eddas, the Pentateuch, Book of Going Forth By Day,
The Politics of Ecstasy, Timothy Leary
Explain the purpose of religion, & method of judging validity of a particular one

Upon completion of this stage, the postulant will have earned the title "Disciple of Lies" and be addressed by the term "Sister [yournamehere]."

3rd Phase: Ministering
Ability to switch between “wingnut” and “normal” mindset/attitude. Putting knowledge into action: actually doing Discordian stuff, not just talking & writing about it. Collecting a large mass of Discordiana for personal entertainment & proselytization purposes. Understanding the contents of several more Discordian books, & why they are “Discordian.” More counseling skills: ability to advise others on the Discordian outlook for their situation. Ability to analyze literature, historical events, art, & various activities for their Discordian relevance & importance. Comfortable & skilled at proselytizing.

• Lead or assist in leading Discordian services for a year
• Finishing writing/adapting rites for 13 holy days: apostle days, season’s day, St. Tibbs, St. Stupid's, & one Erisian service or another religion’s Holy Day.
• (It is assumed these rites will be led during the course of this & the next 2 years)
• Do at least 1 intentionally Discordian thing every week for the year
• Read & analyze (verbally shred) a Llewellyn neopagan piece of fluff
• Studies in psychology, rhetoric, religious history and/or sociology

RELIGIOUS HISTORY:
Drawing Down the Moon: Margot Adler

PSYCHOLOGY/SOCIOLOGY:
Collective Unconscious: Jung

Upon completion of this stage, the postulant will have earned the title "Grand Novitiate of Psychoses" and be addressed by the term "Nova [yournamehere]."

4th Phase: the Lifestyle
Ability to find Discordian relevance in everyday life. Awareness of which proselytization techniques are most effective, and why. Proven ability to actually bring people into the faith. Ability to create Disc. rituals & prayers for any occasion. Historical studies: understanding of changes in myth, folklore & weirdness over last several hundred (thousand?) years. Studies in psychology & the differences between imprints, conditioning & habits, and how to affect each of them. Regular Discordian activities.

• Adopt a permanent change that reflects how Eris has entered your life (i.e. a tattoo, a piercing, a baby)
• Bring people into the Church
• Start saying Discordian devotions every morning & evening (or at appropriate times)
• Participate in multiple DOA’s (one per season is appropriate)
• Continue conducting services; write & conduct at least 3 Disc. Rites of Passage
• Practice your Disco-divination. For someone else.
• Discover a previously unrecognized Discordian Shrine/Holy Place
• Studies in semiotics, quantum physics, parapsychology and/or “re-imprinting”

The Game of Life: Timothy Leary
Prometheus Rising: Robert Anton Wilson

Upon completion of this stage, the postulant will have earned the title "Most Excellent Noble Holey Inspired Reverend Bishop and Lay Deacon" (MENHIR-BaLD) and be addressed by the term "Primi [yournamehere]." If an approved academic plan has been completed as well, the postulant may also be known as a Master of Discordiana: M.D.

5th Phase (Fanatic): Over the Edge
New insights into the basic meaning, purpose & lifestyle of Discordianism—which can be explained to non-Discordians. Fully immersed in the Discordian religion/lifestyle. Creates new contributions to the religion as a whole.

• Pull off a Grand Jake affecting at least 100 people
• Adopt an Erisian Lifestyle Quirk: something that not only is Erisian, but that is obvious to the casual observer
• Attend services of another religion; practice parts thereof; write a dissertation on this experience.
• Create an original Discordian work that furthers the Understanding or Acknowledgement of Eris: a book, a work of art, an organization, etc.

Reading List, later (advanced studies; read at least 1 & submit a work showing the understanding thereof; req’d for MD or DDT.)

• Codex Serephinianus
• Joyce’s Finnegan’s Wake
• ExoPsychology (Leary)
• The Compleat Angler, or The Contemplative Man's Recreation
• Gravity's Rainbow
• ?? Fingerprint of the Gods (Graham ??)

Related Studies

• Book of the SubGenius
• Zen & the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
• Jitterbug Perfume
• Various Loompanics Essays
• Utopia (Moore)
• The Gift: The Erotic Life of Property

Double Features (movies to be watched as pairs

• Passion of the Christ & Life of Brian
• Groundhog Day & Groundhog Day
• The Point & Wizards
• Holy Man & Leap of Faith
• Brazil & Dr. Strangelove
• Dark Star & Caveman
• Delicatessen & Soylent Green
• They Might Be Giants & Don Juan de Marco

Upon completion of this stage, the postulant will have earned the title "Priest/ess of Eris and Lord/Lady of the Shattered Universe" and be addressed by the term "Sweeper [yournamehere]." If an approved academic plan has also been completed, the Priest/ess may also be acknowledged a Doctor of Discordian Theology: DDT.

A postulant may use any or all of his/her earned titles for official paperwork, or may receive a different title from Eris herself & petition the council to have it recognized. Upon acceptance to the program, the postulant may petition the council to be formally ordained as a minister-in-training, able to assist with or officiate at any religious services which are performed under the auspices of the Church. It is assumed that trainees will seek guidance from their mentors and/or the council for any services with which they are unfamiliar or unskilled. The council may accept the petition, request a period of residency in a Discordian Cabal, or reject the petition outright. If accepted, the postulant receives Nifty Sheet of Paper describing his/her achievement and the right to be considered "clergy" by whatever governments acknowledge such statuses.

Feedback welcome. Complaints welcome, although I've probably thought through most of the obvious ones. ("This is all too organized" will be ignored. Not my problem if my chaos appears too orderly for you.) The Goal: I want a clergy training program that's suitable for convincing the U.S. gov't that this is/could be a real, legitimate seminary, and people it ordains are qualified to be prison chaplains, army chaplains, and Discordian Advisor to the City Council, and so on.

Complaints about content are more than welcome. Complaints of essential omissions also welcome; recs for further studies actively solicited. Tell me what *you* think Discordian clergy should read and do.

Comments

[twfarlan.livejournal.com]

Suggested addition to the reading list, either year 2 or 3:
David Foster Wallace's Infinite Jest

[pyromog.livejournal.com]

Everything looks quite good, nothing I could think to add anyway. I, for one, will almost certainly be entering aforementioned program when/if it becomes a reality, assuming nothing dramatic happens to me before then (which is always a possibility).

[hehenahaole.livejournal.com]

It looks quite good; presumably it will be a little more individually-tailored by the instructors, and to the students.

I'm very interested in this when it gets going; I live in Oregon currently, but I'd like to enroll when things get moving.

[telarus.livejournal.com]

!> Your nick seems vaugley Hawaiian-ish? Which Rock are you from?

2} Ditto on the interesting. Ditto on the Oregon!(!!!!!) Where yah at?

[hehenahaole.livejournal.com]

My name is actually sort of a self-referential joke.

I was raised by a Hawaiian man for a while (in the sense that he stepped in and became a father figure for a number of years; my parents are divorced). I sort of grew up convinced I was Hawaiian, or at least, wishing.

"hehena" is an obscure Hawaiian word for "crazy" or "Stupid".

"Haole" ("how-le") means "white."

"HehenaHaole" can be rendered "crazy white guy." Which is one valid way of describing me.

As for Oregon-ness, I'm in Portland. Yourself?

[telarus.livejournal.com]

Beaverton area. I caught the name but mistranslated the first word.
Origionally from the Big Island

[tyrsalvia.livejournal.com]

http://www.discordian.com/reading.html

That's the reading list I have at the moment. It's not fully complete of course, but there are a few things not on your lists that you might want to add. In particular, _Finite and Infinite Games_ by James P. Carse and _The True Believer_ by Eric Hoffer are, I think, essential.

My only big question with this is how tightly controlled you expect to make the catma. As well you know, you and I have somewhat different philosophies regarding the Erisian semi-faith, and yet we're both dedicated and, yes, serious about what we're doing. I think as part of this training program, it would be good for someone to have exposure to multiple different veins of Discordian thought that don't just originate with their own immediate friends.

Also, you suggested they should attend a religious service from one other religion. I think you should up that to five other religions.

[tyrsalvia.livejournal.com]

Oh.. one other question. When this does get off the ground, of course I'd like an official ordination. As a new program, would there be a way to prove I've completed all the coursework already, and perhaps make up any required work I've missed in the course of my life study?

I do consider myself clergy already, and I'm working on an overt training program for such. I have an AA in speech communication, and I'm working on my BA in same. After that, I'll either be going to the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology or Starr King divinity school. I've read most of the books on your list, seen most of the films, and completed most of the coursework you outline.

[elf]

I 'spect that most people, at the beginning, are gonna get credit for life experience and stuff they've already read, done, and so on. No point in making people re-read or re-watch movies (except maybe Fight Club, which changes drastically on the second watching, and a bit more on the third).

And yeah, we've got our differences, but I assume Eris can handle that. I know what Eris has shown me is the One, True, Correct & Only way to be a Proper Discordian; the rest of you Improper Discordians are just gonna have to live with your incomplete understandings. If She showed you something else, that ain't my problem. If Eris wants me to change your mind, I'm sure She can find a way to let me know.

Until then, I've got no problems with anyone else's versions of Discordianism, and I want Fifthtrinity (name subject to change if I get a better idea) to be open to all Discordians. Including many who don't currently identify themselves as Discordians. (Nobody has manifested Chaos & Strife in the world like George W. Bush; a Saint of the Rising Hodge.)

(howdahell did I miss Cat's Cradle when I was putting together my booklist? *facepalm*)

[elf]

I don't expect to make it tightly controlled... I want it loose & open, and anyone who gets through a program determined by their mentor or the council (which are both currently very, very fuzzy concepts) is qualified to modify, create, or mangle programs for others.

But I can't tell the IRS, "Any devout Discordian who wants to teach Discordianism and train priests and suchlike is qualified to create preeestly training programs for any other devout Discordians who are willing to pay attention to them." It makes bureaucrats twitchy.

They want lists; I can invent lists. I might even decide to follow the instructions on the lists.

Just take the phrase "much individual variation is permissible" with the most Erisian interpretation you can imagine. (Wouldn't want to discriminate against illiterate technophobic Discordians, but the plan would need some rather serious changes for them.)

[telarus.livejournal.com]

I've been hoping you'd update this! I love it (in it's current form, and probably will as soon as it's changed too). I'd also really like to work towards getting it up and running, so please, keep updating, or mail me @ telarus@gmail.com

I think that a "large emough" group of us can ignore the whole "Discordians must stick apart" for "just long enought" to get this up and running!
I'd like to be there to help.

[falkreon.livejournal.com]

Well obviously those reading lists are going to have to be customized, and at the beginning whoever finds you will be credited for much life experience. I reccommend that some of the people here form a panel which will eventually become Some Sort of Council. From there, mentors would be assigned, credit would be given where credit was due, and tailoring would be done where appropriate. Finally, everyone would run through the ordination process with some other council member as a mentor. It could take a while, but it's an important process to form the kind of legitimacy you seek.

Perhaps more appropriately, it would give each one of us a very interesting look at someone else's sense of Discordia, and this would wreak a certain amount of havoc on our own sense of Discordian things.

[telarus.livejournal.com]

Agreed.

Baphomet

[elf]

I've been thinking of naming the council "Baphomet." As in,

"I spent last Saturday night with Baphomet."
"I used to work for Baphomet, but I don't any more."
"I'm bringing lunch to Baphomet."
"Baphomet might initiate that new guy next week."
"Baphomet wasted six hours discussing politics."

We've (that's me & my husband, who refuses to play the LiveJournal game) already decided that the guy who leads the council meetings has a title: Messiah.

Looks great on a résumé. "Messiah of FifthTrinity Church, 04-07." And that way, we have new Quotes From the Messiah to throw around every couple of months.

Re: Baphomet

[falkreon.livejournal.com]

"I was talking to Baphomet the other day and...",
"The Messiah was saying the other day..."
"Joe, this is Baphomet. Baphomet, Joe. Oh, and Joe, you really should meet Baphomet too. Baphomet... this is Joe."

That's also an excellent idea. Let us know when you're ready to... Unite to form Baphomet! (I'll form Left Arm! I'll form the Torso!...)